Notes on *Men and Women in the Church*
Men and Women in the Church: A Short, Biblical, Practical Introduction, Kevin DeYoung, (Crossway, 2021)
Main Idea/Takeaway
Complementarity is the biblical vision of men and women, rooted in God's natural design and good for life in general and the ministry of the church.
"This book is about the divinely designed complementarity of men and women as it applies to life in general and especially to ministry in the church." (15)
"Raise up a new generation of cheerful and unflappable Christians who will celebrate a vision of manhood and womanhood that is not only biblical but in a profound sense natural as well." (133)
Interaction
Who is the loudest, driven by the most rage, with popular culture on their side? (18)
Table of Contents
Introduction
Part 1: Biblical Exploration
I. A Very Good Place to Start
II. Patterns That Preach
III. Revolution and Repetition
IV. Of Heads and Hair
V. A Marriage Made in Heaven
VI. The Heart of the Matter
VII. Leaders, Servants, and Life Together
Part 2: Questions and Applications
VIII. Common Objections
IX. Growing Up as Boys and Girls
X. Following Christ as Men and Women
Favorite Quotes by Chapter
Introduction:
"God decided to make not one man or one woman, or a group of men or a group of women; he made a man and a woman. The one feature of human existence that shapes life as much or more than any other- our biological sex- was God's choice." (13)
"The whole human race is, always has been, and will be for the rest of time, comprised of two differentiated and complementary sexes." (14)
"The fact that God created man as a plurality- male and female, a complementary pari- ought to shape not only how we conceive of marriage but how we conceive of ourselves." (17)
"It's one thing to be convinced that complementarian exegesis is correct; it's another to be sure that it is good." (17)
"The truest form of biblical complementarity calls on men to protect women, honor women, speak kindly and thoughtfully to women, and to find every appropriate way to learn from them and include them in life and ministry- in the home and in the church." (17)
I. A Very Good Place to Start
"Every other aspect of creation had its counterpart. The day had its sun, the night its moon, that waters its fish, the sky its birds, and the ground its animals, but the man did not have his helpmate." (24)
"Whatever "rules" there are for men and women in the church are never mere rules: they reflect the sort of differentiated and complementary image bearers God designed us to be from the beginning." (25)
"Men and women, as distinct from all else in creation to testify to the world that God has dominion over this place. As image bearers, not to mention coheirs of the grace of life (1 Peter 3:7), men and women possess equal worth and dignity." (25)
"The opening chapters of the Bible establish the shape of sexual differentiation and complementarity that will be lived out, applied, and safeguarded in the rest of Scripture." (33)
II. Patterns That Preach
See Notable Content for five patterns in the Old Testament that shape how we think about sexual differentiation and complementarity in life and ministry: (36-41)
III. Revolution and Repetition
"Jesus, of course, came to save men and women. But in coming as a man he literally embodied what true manliness was meant to be- saving, protecting, rescuing, leading, teaching, and serving. Sot it makes sense that while Jesus honored women and empowered them for ministry, when it came to selecting those for positions of authority, he chose only men. There is no one more pro-woman than Jesus, and no one- by his example and in his very person- who did more to affirm true manhood either." (47)
IV. Of Heads and Hair
See Notable Content for six key exegetical questions pertaining to male headship and head coverings: (50-59)
"Paul allowed women to prophesy but did not allow them to join in the weighing of prophesy." (59)
"Whatever we make of New Testament prophecy in relationship to Old Testament prophecy, it is undoubtedly the case that teaching and prophecy in the early church were not identical kinds of speech. As we will see later, elders do not need the gift of prophecy, but they must be able to teach (1 Tim. 3:2). (60)
"Teaching- passing on the apostolic deposit while explaining and applying Scripture- was authoritative instruction in a way that prophecy was not." (61)
"The explicit situation in which women must be silent is where prophecies are being evaluated. Such evaluation would have involved teaching and the exercise of authority (over other prophets), two activities Paul consistently denies to women." (62)
V. A Marriage Made in Heaven
"It may sound archaic, if not fundamentally sinister, but God's design for the home is a thoughtful intelligent, gentle submissive wife and a loving godly, self-sacrificing, leading husband. Whether we live in the first century or the twenty-first century, Ephesians 5:22-33 is God's good plan for marriage: wives, submit to your husbands; and husbands, love your wives." (64)
"The commands to submit and love are intended to reverse the curse inflicted in the garden of Eden." (64)
"The inclination of a sinful wife is to rebel against her husband's authority and try to control him. Paul's commands aims to reverse the effects of the curse and have Christian wives submit rather than usurp. Likewise, men, who are supposed to lead and protect and provide for their wives, now, tainted by sin, treat their wives harshly. The inclination of the sinful man is to exercise ungodly rule over his wife. Paul's commands aims to reverse the effects of the curse and have Christian husbands love rather than domineer." (64)
"God is trying to show something in our marriages. If we disallow sexual differentiation, we are not allowing to shine forth the very heart of marriage itself. Yes, God created marriage for companionship and for sex and for children, but most of all, he created marriage to reveal the profound mystery of Christ and the church. This is a high calling. His plan is for a watching world to look at husband and wife and see such gentle, joyful submission and such self-denying, loving leadership that it gets a picture of the beauty that is the relationship between Christ and his church. Nothing less than God's full glory is at stake."(74)
VI. The Heart of the Matter
"Quietness or silence (2:12) is not meant to be demeaning. Both are positive qualities for the learner (see Eccles. 9:17). And as we've seen from 1 Corinthians 11 and 14, silence is not an absolute command encompassing every element of corporate worship. Silence, in this text as well as 1 Corinthians 14, refers to the teaching ministry of the church. In the context of corporate worship, women are not to be teachers, but quiet learners." (79)
"In the Pastoral Epistles, Paul issues a command or a command-idea (like "I do not not permit") followed by gar twenty-one times, all of which require the casual sense. It is best, therefore, to keep the normal sense of gar and see "for" in verse 13 as introducing Paul's reasons for verses 11 and 12." (84)
"Adam was supposed to be the head, responsible for loving leadership and direction. But he abdicated his role, and Eve's leadership influenced him for evil. As a result of this role reversal, sin entered into the world. On this understanding, Paul is pointing to the difference between the two guilty persons: Adam sinned openly, but Even was deceived. In highlighting this difference, Paul may be grounding his argument in God's design for men and women, which was tragically supplanted in the fall." (85)
VII. Leaders, Servants, and Life Together
"Elders should be students of the Bible and men of exemplary character. They will be spiritual leaders. An elder must be able to teach (1 Tim. 3:2), something not required of deacons. Teaching does not have to mean lecturing in a classroom or giving a sermon, but it does mean that elders must know their Bibles, know theology, be able to discern truth from error, and know how to communicate it to others."
"I'm convinced that in most cases if men behave and lead as godly, humble, self-sacrificing biblical men, then women will happily live and flourish in the responsibilities God has designed for them. The biblical burden of this chapter, this first section, and really this whole book, rests primarily with men." (98)
VIII. Common Objections
See Notable Content for Common Objections
IX. Growing Up as Boys and Girls
"So what I might tell my children about being a man or a woman? I'd try to make it simple as their ABC's: Appearance, Body, Character, Demeanor, Eager Posture." (118)
"Yes, the cultural winds are blowing stiff and strong against the church on these issues. But the good news is that behind us lies a massive river of divine design in every human person. Ultimately, God's created order cannot be reengineered by sinful human ingenuity. Manhood and womanhood will reassert themselves. The question is whether it will be healthy or unhealthy. God made us as men and women to act like men and women. The more we see in nature (partly) and in God's word (mainly) what it means to be men and women, the better our marriages, our children, our churches, and our society will be." (129)
X. Following Christ as Men and Women
"Faithfulness does not mean returning to some supposed golden era rooted in a particular cultural moment, nor does it mean making as many enemies as possible in this cultural moment, but it does mean that for the sake of the good, the true, and the beautiful, we will not shrink from facing opposition when it is impossible to avoid." (132)
"The Reformed tradition has always been adamant that grace does not eradicate nature or elevate nature, but grace restores nature. God is in the business of returning us to what was once declared "very good." That means that while male and female are nothing when it comes to being justified in Christ, the fact that we were created with a specific sex has everything to do with living as justified Christians." (132-133)
"Any attempt to recover biblical manhood and womanhood, or any efforts as Christians to recover from the recovering, must start with the recognition that sexual difference is not simply a marker of who may hold the office of elder; it is an indication of the sort of image bearer God wants us to be in all of life." (134)
"There are differences in the place men and women occupy in the church and in the home. If the husband is called to be the head of the family, then the wife is called to be its heart." (135)
"No doubt, there may be a cost- personally, vocationally, culturally- when we embrace sexual differentiation and complementarity, but let us never forget that the law of the Lord is perfect, the testimony of the Lord is sure, the precepts of the Lord are right, and the commandment of the Lord is pure (Ps. 19:7-8)." (136)
Notable Content
Five patterns in the Old Testament that shape how we think about sexual differentiation and complementarity in life and ministry: (36-41)
Pattern 1: Only Men Exercising Official Leadership
Pattern 2: Godly Women Displaying a Wide Range of Heroic Characteristics
Pattern 3: Godly Women Helping Men
Pattern 4: Ungodly Women Influencing Men for Evil, Ungodly Men Mistreating Women
Women Finding Pain and Purpose Associated with Bearing and Caring for Children
Six key exegetical questions pertaining to male headship and head coverings: (50-59)
Question 1: What does it mean that the husband is the head of his wife?
Question 2: What is the covering?
Question 3: What "head" does the woman dishonor?
Question 4: What does Paul mean by "authority"?
Question 5: What does Paul mean by referring to "nature itself"?
Question 6: How can Paul command women to be silent in the churches in 1 Corinthians 14 when he regulates women praying and prophesying in 1 Corinthians 11?
Paul's two reasons for verse 11 and 12 in 1 Timothy 2 (84)
Order of Creation
Eve was Deceived
Common Objections (101-115)
Objection 1: Galatians 3:28
Objection 2: Ephesians 5:21
Objection 3: Slavery
Objection 4: Women in Ministry in the Bible
Objection 5: Gifts and Calling
The Nature of Things (133)
See Appendix (139-152)
